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faith, God, joy, knowing God, leadership

me, a hypocrite?

If I had any regular readership on this blog, I hope I haven’t lost it with my lack of posting lately…. my blog ticker tells me that a few people out there are still checking in.  thanks!

 So, a little confession today.  Is that ok?

This is what is haunting my mind/heart… but, it is changing.

We’ll start at the beginning (sort of ).  I was in college when I first felt a clear calling from the Lord to “stand on the wall” as an “intercessor” — not necessarily that it would be a full-time calling, but I knew it will be a significant part of my life from that point on.  I have never been one who “hates” prayer.  I usually quite enjoy it.  I have led many a prayer meeting — and (almost) always LOVED it.  I’m not sure if others have always felt the same way, but I like prayer meetings!  I love seeing the answers to prayer, too.  It only fuels my desire in it.

Now, a few years down the road, i’ve learned more of the true power of intercession — that, as simple as it sounds, it is THE WAY that God governs the Universe!  If I want to take part in changing lives and changing the world and changing history, all I have to do is stand before God and say back to Him what He has already said (i.e. His Word in the Bible).  He loves our agreement and partnership in bringing about His will!

I’ve preached prayer.  I’ve organized prayer gatherings and prayer initiatives.  I’ve taught others to pray….  but lately, I noticed a problem.

I’m not praying much. 

That’s not ok with me. 

Sure, I talk to the Lord a lot, all day as I’m going through life and that is prayer.  I live my life unto the Lord — that’s prayer, too.  But, I’ve found lots of reasons and excuses to not spend much time alone, in front of God and God alone, in prayer.  I still love Him, I still have been hearing His voice, but, this is not good with me.  I fear actually getting into the habit of NOT having set aside time — a prayerless life! 

I’m not much for New Year’s resolutions, but I am making a new determination to set my life in order around this calling and desire for prayer/intercession.  The time of year really is coincidental.  It is quite helpful that we’re doing our annual time of consecration at church (we call it 504= 24 hours x 21 days).  I’ve set my heart to enter into this time deeply.  I’m going to do as little as possible of “everything else” (business, etc.) and put myself in that place of prayer (even when it feels dry and I “hit the wall”), because there is no life outside of a life in God, and I’m not just looking for life in my heart — I want enough to give away!  I want as many people as possible to have the life of God on the inside!  As a “pastor”, that’s what many would call my primary calling — bringing others into the life of Jesus Christ.  But that won’t happen right if I’m not drowning in His love myself! 

I hope I won’t be the only one, and others of you will join me in the journey to a TRUE life of prayer.  It’s for everyone.  It’s only the dim, dull ones (like me) that need the Lord to tell them specifically to give their lives to it.  🙂 

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About Jessie

Lover of God. Husband. Dad. Director of the Furnace at Michigan State University.

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